Do you really know what your people want?

Last week I wrote about the little laminated motivation card I fruitlessly used to carry around in my corporate folio, and the deceptively simple lesson I eventually took from it long after I let it go: information you share with your people only becomes motivating when the person understands why it matters to them.

Simple, sure.

Except there is another layer, and few leaders realise they are probably missing it:

To know why something matters to someone, you have to actually know what matters to them.

Sounds obvious but the curse of professional distance and positional power mean what really matters deeply to someone is usually not shard. People tend to say what sounds right in a development conversation and the answer that sounds good in a performance review. The so-standard-it-sounds-normal-but-it’s-not corporate theatre around growth, challenge, opportunity, progression and impact.

I mean what they actually want … in life.

Many overestimate the quality of their relationships with their people, assuming that because there is friendliness, there is a good relationship and they know what drives them.

But hierarchy influences what people say. People’s relationship with hierarchy influences what people say – some are comfortable with it, others find themselves in submissive fear. When you are in a position of authority, people are always, to some degree, managing themselves in relation to you. They are unconsciously thinking about how they are being perceived, whether their ambition sounds right, whether their desire sounds acceptable, what their honesty might cost them, whether what they really want makes them look less committed, less impressive, less loyal, less hungry.

So they tell you a safe version of the truth.

Maybe they say they want a promotion when what they actually want is confidence.

They may say they want to be challenged when what they actually want is stability and to work under less pressure.

They may say they want progression when what they actually want is just more money, or more freedom, or a different life, or breathing room, or recognition, or simply to feel proud of themselves again.

None of these wants are wrong, nor can you just hand them out. But they are important and if you don’t understand, your conversations will always slightly miss the mark.

Not that they’ll ever tell you that.

Understanding this is essential when you are trying to create change, because the same observation will have entirely different meaning depending on the person in front of you.

You might say to a senior leader:

“In the last three executive meetings, I noticed you had a clear point of view when we debriefed afterwards, but you didn’t share that thinking in the room.”

Accurate, perhaps. Useful, potentially. But why does that matter to them?

If they want promotion, it might matter because people need to experience their thinking in the room before trusting them at the next level.

If they want confidence, it might matter because holding their thoughts back is reinforcing the belief that they don’t have anything useful to share.

If they want more freedom, it might matter because strengthening their leadership presence could help them build a team and reputation that is less dependent on behind-the-scenes influence.

If they want recognition, it might matter because their contribution is happening privately and no one has the chance to recognise it.

Same observation.

Completely different relevance.

And relevance depends on understanding the person, not the role.

I call this The Supercharged Advantage – your ability to turn information into motivation.

It’s not a hack, it’s a simple ability to create motivation based on relevance as a result of knowing another person. Your connection. Not surface-level friendliness. Not knowing their coffee order or asking about the weekend. A relationship with enough substance that you understand the broader context of their life.

What life-stage are they in?

What pressure are they carrying?

What are they trying to build?

What are they afraid of losing?

What are they hoping their work will give them?

What does success actually mean to them right now?

Work and careers sits inside life. Whether you think it should or not! Their work ambition is connected to their family, their identity, their money, their confidence, their health, their relationships, their dreams, their disappointments and the version of life they are trying to create.

If you only understand someone’s role, you don’t understand them.

If you only understand their performance, you don’t understand what is shaping it.

And if you only understand the professional answer they give you, you may be leading a version of them that is performative rather than real.

Connection is not fluffy … it is commercially essential.

It gives you access to the information required to lead someone properly.

So before your next developmental conversation, don’t only prepare what you want to say. Prepare what you understand about the person in front of you.

Do you know what matters to them now?

Not what mattered two years ago.

Not what should matter or would matter to you.

Or what they once said in a review because it sounded like the right answer.

What matters now - in their life, in their context, at their stage?

Because people change. Lives change. Ambition changes. The person who once wanted promotion may now want space. The person who once wanted stability may now be ready for risk. The person who once wanted recognition may now want meaning.

You only know if the relationship has enough truth in it.

And when you know what someone really wants, you can connect change to a future they actually care about.

That is not manipulation.

That is leadership.