Your people are trying desperately to change

Every CEO I work with wants something to change in their people.

The good ones know what it is and have usually articulated it clearly. Most of the time, they are on the money … and then they think they are done.

But that’s the core misunderstanding — they think the conversation is where change happens.

It isn’t.

The conversation is where change begins.

What happens next is where change either embeds or reverts to habit.

Invested in their own growth, the person usually does go away and try to do something differently. They speak earlier in the meeting or challenge someone more directly. They hold back from solving the problem themselves. Ask more questions. Delegate something they would normally keep.

They do the thing.

Or at least, they attempt the thing. Usually with some success, and some failure. That’s ok.

But doing something differently once is not transformation. It is simply the first fragile attempt at change.

And fragile is the right word, because new behaviour feels strange. Of course! The person is stepping outside an old pattern, and old patterns are comfortable for a reason. They are known. Efficient. Familiar.

Doing something usually feels clunky and exposed. The results aren’t always immediately obvious and often not even noticed at all. The person may not even know whether what they did was better. They may only know that it felt different.

If that moment is not noticed and understood, chances are they will go back to what they have always done.

Leaving you with completely the wrong impression and likely an interpretation (or judgement) about their ability or will to change.

This is what makes Unmanaged so powerful. It is not a feedback model or a clever way to have a difficult conversation. It’s a cycle.

Observation. Preparation. Conversation.

Then back to observation.

That last part is where many leaders lose the change they just initiated.

They have the conversation, pat themselves on the back for saying something and navigating it with some grace, then return to the busyness of business.

But the next conversation can start simply:

“I noticed you did that differently.”

“What was happening for you in that moment?”

“What felt awkward about that?”

“That worked because you did something you don’t normally do.”

Without recognition of change, it doesn’t become integrated or owned, and it certainly doesn’t become a new standard.

This is the technical distinction:

Managers hold people accountable for actions. Leaders help people understand change.

If someone does something differently but does not understand what they did, why they did it, what enabled it, what got in the way, and what happened as a result, the change remains accidental.

It may happen again.

It may not.

But once they can see it, describe it, own it and refine it, the change can begin to become a new habit.

That is how people actually evolve.

So yes, have the initial conversation. Say the thing. Initiate the change.

But don’t stop there.

The first conversation initiates change. What happens next is where leadership has real impact.

Keep watching, and keep talking.