You’re talking too much - and that’s the reason your people won’t change

Sometimes what I teach feels really obvious.

I sit with highly experienced leaders - people who have been leading leaders for decades - and think surely I’m telling them how to suck eggs.

But each time it's a revelation, perhaps in it's obviousness and the simplicity of the fix, given our tendency is to assume solutions to difficult problems need to be complex rather than realising usually the best fix is surprisingly simple (Occam's Razor).

Today’s newsletter is a bit like that.

A consistent trip-up for leaders, thinking they are doing the right thing, thinking they are ‘right’ and not even considering the wildly obvious alternative, is straight-up telling their people what to change.

And then expecting change.

But when you really think about it … that’s a strange expectation.

It assumes one thing – that behaviour is random.

It isn’t.

People don’t choose a way of working that they believe in ineffective or inefficient. They’re doing what makes sense to them based on their work experience, life experience and who they are a person.

They do what makes sense to them – usually unconsciously.

Which means:

If you just tell someone to do something differently … you’re asking them to change without understanding why they’re doing it in the first place.

That will work for simple situations, but not for the more complex development senior leaders require.

Behaviour doesn’t change at the level it’s expressed, it changes at the level it’s understood.

What you see - the action, the behaviour - is just the surface. It’s understanding what’s underneath that creates real change.

Experience. Assumptions. Beliefs. Emotions.

Until that’s explored, you can solve the surface problem but you’ll be solving it time and time again until you get to the core.

This reminds me of Einstein’s famous quote: “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."

Now, 'shifting consciousness' isn’t something most leaders consider to be part of their role.

But if you want to be a leader with real impact - it is; and consciousness is far easier to shift than most leaders realise.

It happens in real conversations – not the kind where you do most of the talking, but the kind in which you create a new awareness in someone (show them what they do) then hold space for them to explore it.

In this space (which can be as little as 2 minutes or as long as two hours) people reflect, see their behaviour through new eyes and understand what’s actually driving it. That’s where understanding emerges, consciousness shifts, and true change happens.

Most leaders will never get there.

Not because they don’t care.

But firstly because they are too busy, they have too many problems and are in too much of a rush to get things solved (the irony is, that getting to the core of ‘this’ and other issues will reduce busy-ness ten-fold).

And secondly, because the tendency of a leader is to talk too much.

Most leaders love to find solutions quickly, jump to conclusions and deliver answers and plans rather than create understanding.

What’s missing is the other persons reality.

I define true conversation as that in which something is uncovered that wasn’t known before by either party.

Without this ‘discovery’ change will be shallow. It may look like progress but it won’t last.

Telling creates compliance whereas understanding creates change.

So the question isn’t:

“Have I clearly told them what to do?”

It’s:

“Do they understand why they do it?”

Because if they don’t…

You’ll end up having the same conversation about a different problem, and the bottom line is – you’ll still have a problem.

What different conversation do you need to have today if you're actually intent on creating change?