You can’t delegate people development

I was chatting to my friend Kate (a primary school teacher) recently about parent-teacher interviews - and I was shocked when she told me the conversations with the challenging children’s parents are consistently not about the child.

They’re about the parents, and their inability to say no to their children.

"No more screen time."

"No more ice cream."

"No, you do have to go to school."

Why are they so afraid?

Because they are scared they will cry.

“I just want them to be happy” they say.

Of course … but it’s obvious what happens next.

Without boundaries, the child is out of control.

Without the ability to move through tears, the child lacks the ability to handle their own emotions.

Without guidelines, the child makes bad choices.

Over time, the child doesn’t see the parent (or for that matter, the teacher) as a guide.

They’ve lost control.

And it’s very hard to regain without a lot of fuss.

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But fuss you must … and most of the time is spent convincing parents they must say no.

I say ‘convincing’, because the parents prefer the teacher is the one that says no. Teaches boundaries. Build emotional resilience.

But that’s not schools job.

The same thing is happening in organisations all over the world.

When there’s a performance issue - or a deeper challenge with an individual - leaders often respond by 'investing' in them.

A course.
A coach.
A programme.

On the surface, it looks like development.

“We’re investing in you”

But the truth is, it’s delegation.

Whilst these things will help, just as the teacher can pull the child somewhat into line, the biggest potential impact can come from only one place:

The leader.

Because as a leader (or parent), you have something no external investment ever will.

Proximity.

You see the patterns.
You see the reactions.
You see the relationships.
You see what works - and what doesn’t.

You see what the individual cannot see in themselves.

You see the details that no external provider and even the best of coaches, could see.

This relationship is where the greatest development exists.

Investment delegates. Attention elevates.

When you invest, you hand development to someone else.

When you use your attention wisely, you step into it your power.

That doesn’t mean coaching or training has no place.

It does.

But it should complement leader-led development - not replace it.

Because development isn’t a programme.

It’s a process.

And it happens over time, in real time.

In the conversation after something goes wrong.
In the moment someone avoids responsibility.
In the pattern that keeps repeating.

Not months later in a training room.

Or in a coaches office with bias and an incomplete story.

Leaders don’t outsource development because it’s more effective.

They outsource it because it’s more comfortable.

But comfort doesn’t develop people.

Your attention does.

Most leaders say they want to develop their people.

But development doesn’t happen occasionally.

It happens through attention - frequent, in-the-moment attention to what’s actually going on.

The behaviour.
The patterns.
The things usually left unsaid.

The capacity and capability to truly pay attention to your people - without avoiding what you see, softening what needs to be said, or becoming overwhelmed by what you have to share, is the source of your greatest leadership impact.

Because attention isn’t passive.

It asks something of you.

It asks you to notice.
To name.

And if you can’t do that consistently, development will always feel like a burden.

And when it feels like a burden, you’ll find every excuse to delegate.

Do you know how hold these conversations lightly so you can have them frequently? To trust in what you’ll say - because you have a system for conversations that creates change?

With the right code, you can open any door.

Do you have the code that unlocks your people’s growth?